“Sometimes, she would whisper the word Mama and see her mother’s face a hundred times in a single afternoon. But those were small miseries compared to the terror of her dreams. At those times, in the enormous mileage of sleep, she had never felt so completely alone.”—The Book Thief - Markus Zusak
some fave excerpts from the intro of the newest tshirthell.com newsletter.
"Chicago failed in its recent bid to get the 2016 Olympics. I thought it was cute the way all those people thought America would still exist seven years from now. Still, it would’ve been cool to see all those athletes go for the gold in Cannibalism and Fuel-hoarding."
"A 4.4 million-year-old skeleton nicknamed "Ardi" has been found to be the oldest human ancestor, predating the famous "Lucy" by more than a million years. Man, I feel bad for Ardi. Can you imagine floating there for 4.39 million years waiting for God to create the universe?"
"I would make some joke about the surge in Afghanistan, but I don’t know what’s going on with that. Near as I can tell, they stole our dirt and rocks and we’re trying to get them back. Or maybe we’re just trying to justify a defense budget large enough to build another Earth. I don’t know, but one thing’s for sure: money is not being wasted. Buy war bonds! (a.k.a. "Pay taxes")"
read more hilarious stuff like this in the best newsletter on the face of the planet — tshirthell.
I grew up in a college town, and one Halloween our doorbell rang and we opened the door expecting to see trickortreaters— but what was in front of our open door—was another door! Like, a full-on wooden door, that had a sign that said “Please knock.” So we did, and the door swung open to reveal a bunch of college dudes dressed as really old grandmothers, curlers in their hair, etc, who proceeded to coo over our “costumes” and tell us we were “such cute trick or treaters!” One even pinched my cheek. Then THEY gave US candy, closed their door, picked it up and walked to the next house.