“i’ve seen starlight / i’ve seen starlight / lay this body down / i will lay down in my grave / and stretch out my arms”—[nineteenth century slave song — found in maya angelou’s “the heart of a woman”]
had a dream. back in the house i grew up in ‘til i was 14. there with all my sibs. everyone had all their current dogs. my mom was still alive. stepdad was there. someone was dropping chemical bombs. panicked. ‘rents dashed outside to corral the dogs. sisters gathered supplies throughout the house. the bros and i were garbage-bag-duct-taping the windows, doors, etc. then i woke up.
the dream was so frenzied, i woke up with a racing heart and cried — lugubrious about my momma. that hasn’t happened in a while.
the only time i get to see my mom is in my dreams. so why are they so anxiety-ridden?
had one with her in it last summer. she was alive. it was night. the moon hung low and fat in a milky sky. images played across it like a projector screen. flashes of my memories. people outside gathered for the satellite spectacle. frantic, i ran to get my momma. her attention was elsewhere. clawing and desperate, i tried dragging her. didn’t work. went back to look at the moon, and everything disintegrated. then i woke up.
1. What is more difficult: looking into someones eyes when telling how you feel, or looking into someones eyes when they tell you how they feel?
- looking into someone’s eyes and telling them how you feel.
2. Think of the last time you were angry. Why were you angry?
- nunya biznass.
3. You will die in three minutes. Last call?
- conference call to both my sisters.
4. If you could do anything OR wish anything, what would it be?
- i’d like a man, please. what’s this? a 13-year drought? oh… and not a man who’s already someone’s boyfriend. my own. i’m effing LONELY.
5. You can have one of the following two things: trust or love.
- can’t love without trust.
6. You are walking to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss told you if you are late one more time youre fired. Do you save the dog?
- better believe i’m saving the dog. then again… if it was a small dog, i’d say peace. [how could ya be so heartless — kanye shrug]
7. Would you or have you ever blackmailed someone?
- that’s totally creepy. the most “blackmailing” i’ve done is as an elementary kid. threatening to tell on my siblings to the ‘rents.
8. Think of the last person who you know that died. You have the chance to give them 1 hour of life back, but you have to give one year of your life. Do you do it?
- oh, momma. of course i would.
9. Are you the kind of friend that you would want to have as a friend?
10. Does sex=love?
- stupid question.
11. Are you old fashioned?
- in some ways. not most.
12. Would you marry someone if they were unable to have sex?
- uh. probably not. sorry.
13. What would be harder for you, to tell someone you love them or that you do not love them back?
- telling them you don’t love them.
14. What do you think would be the hardest thing for you to give up?
15. Romantic love, when was the last time you told someone you loved them?
- i share my love all the time when/if i mean it. the last time was leaving my little sister’s last night. siblings are all i have left.
16. If you had to go back in time and change one thing, if you HAD to, even if you have “no regrets” what would you change?
17. Imagine. It is a dark night, you are alone, it is raining outside, you hear someone walking around outside your window. WHO do you wish was there with you?
- someone to protect me, clearly. preferably someone fiiiiine.
18. Would you give a homeless person CPR if they were dying?
- considering i don’t know how to properly give cpr, it would be ineffective anyway. saves myself the trouble of smelling like a dumpster.
19. You are holding onto your grandmother’s dying hand and the hand of a newborn that you do not know as they hang over the edge of a cliff. You have to let one go to save the other which one would it be?
- i’m saving my grandma. she’s a badass bish and i hate babies anyway. [staples easy button]
20. When and how was the last time you told someone how you REALLY feel?
- i always tell people how i REALLY feel. it’s one of my better qualities. don’t beat around the bush. that makes me sound like a total bitch, but i know how to be tactful.
If You had three months to live:
21. Do you tell anyone or everyone you are going to die?
- people i’m close to, and everyone else can get the surprise later.
22. What do you do with your remaining days?
- spend it with people i love doing all the things i love. travel. eat anything i want. catch spread stds…? what? [kidding. not even iiii can kanye shrug that one off.]
23. Would you be afraid?
- shit yes. death is my biggest fear. it’s totally unknown.
“Please, don’t torture me with cliches. If you’re going to try to intimidate me, have the courtesy to go away for a while, acquire a better education, improve your vocabulary, and come back with some fresh metaphors.”—Dean Koontz